I’ve allowed my thoughts
To erode my day
I’ve allowed the rust
To take over, I will
Turn to dust and blow away.
I have no fire in my soul
So I catapult through life
Life is a maze, I am lost
The fog has settled on my mind,
I’ve lost my way.
I complicate things
I make myself tired,
I don’t save my energy
Then wonder why I have none
I’m exhausted even though I sleep.
I need light, not sleep though
When it’s my soul that’s tired.
Careening through space,
Wasting my time
Wasting my talent,
I need to follow my dreams
But I have none;
None that I can remember.
I’ve had enough,
But I can’t stop, I don’t know how to stop
And I don’t know what to change
Or rather I don’t know how to start,
How to start anything, or what to do.
I have no space to hold ideas when I’m so busy
I’m bored, yet I have no time
My heart is bored,
My mind on overdrive
I need help, but I refuse to ask for it
I’ve forgotten myself,
Just going through the motions
While my soul is dying.
I emotionally neglect myself
My creativity is gone, I’m half alive
But I don’t know how to live.
Because I can’t dance anymore
Ingenuity forgot me;
My muse has hit a dead end
I’ve become unresponsive,
What have I done to myself?
Looking for approval, validation
From everyone around me
I need to give those things to myself
Hold my own hand.
I’m so afraid of myself, of my own light
It feels easier to die than to work this out
What did I like as a child?
What used to make me happy?
I should have held onto those things
Instead it was so easy to let them go
Words that came to me repressed
My novella still unwritten
It’s time to write my own life again
I take my own hand and pull myself out of this.
My real state of mind still left unexpressed
But it’s time to talk myself through this.
I will make a choice to live whole hearted
Work out my values and live by them
Open myself up to real connections with others
Which is true intimacy
Open myself up to the thought of love,
Not romance, but love as a way of life.
I will put my whole self into activities
Be in my body, be in the moment.
Learn how and when to rest.
Let my own heart in,
Love myself
For who I really am,
Be true to myself
Pull down my walls
Until I feel vulnerable but safe
Being able to be vulnerable is the key to it all
Loving myself enough to be vulnerable
Whilst keeping myself safe
Will be the beginning of fulfilment.
I need to find meaning in my life, my work,
Help others, express myself
Make space for emotions,
Allow them to come and go without judgement
And give the same gift not only to myself
But to loved ones and everyone I meet.
I make a conscious effort to choose life.
I choose life.